Whether it’s slathered over a salad in desperate need of flavor or as an alternative condiment for your burger and fries, ranch dressing should be a prominent member of your kitchen roster. Its light flavor means it’s pretty suited to a ton of different purposes, and the fact that it’s delicious doesn’t exactly hurt it either.
For those of us who need an injection of ranch dressing in our lives (and who doesn’t?) the best company to spring for is Hidden Valley. Sure, the ketchup giants Heinz also have their own ranch offering, but I’m sorry to say that it doesn’t quite hold up to the Hidden Valley variety, and this holiday season, they may have upped their game even further.
Cast your minds, if you will, back to earlier this year in March. Hidden Valley embraced ranch dressing’s status as the most popular condiment in the company by coming up with a $100 ranch fountain, and you can be sure that glorious fountain sits in many a home around the country.
The ranch fountain was something we didn’t know we wanted until we got it, but we’re sure glad they did. But how could Hidden Valley possibly top that? Answer: an entire keg’s worth of ranch dressing. That’s how. This is not a drill, people. Stop whatever you’re doing, and check this out.
Just in time for the holiday season, Hidden Valley are going all-out on behalf of ranch dressing lovers everywhere, blessing us with the ultimate Christmas gift – a year’s supply of ranch dressing, all for $65. Now, I’m not exactly what would constitute a year’s worth of ranch dressing, but whether you’re adding a little bit of ranch to some iceberg lettuce or chugging it out of a solo cup, I think that a keg of the stuff will be enough to last you a while.
It’s a good day, everyone, but hold your horses: it’s about to get even better. Not content to give us an entire year’s worth of ranch at once, Hidden Valley have come out with some pretty sweet merch to go along with their ranch offerings. Stuff that’s probably a lot easier than a keg to fit in a stocking this Christmas.
Now, you can wear your love of ranch on your chest, thanks to this pretty sweet ranch sweater. Not only does it look like the hand-knitted equivalent of a warm hug, but it’s also festively decorated with the ranch design prominent on the front. Not only that: if after wearing this sweater, you’re still cold, you can also get a sweet ranch blanket, if you fancy.
This kind of bizarre, kind of awesome new Hidden Valley merch line continues with a skirt for the fountain you almost definitely bought back in March, because we love our ranch dressing fountains and want them to look pretty. Finally, you can put on a pair of ranch-related socks, meaning that whoever keeps staring at your feet has to get you ranch.
All in all, it’s shaping up to be the best Christmas of all time, and that’s in no small part down to this glorious gift of ranch, and ranch kegs in particular. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to make room in my pantry for a sizeable keg. For an unrelated reason.