This 2018, many of us will ring in the year with a vast and varied selection of New Year’s Resolutions. Maybe you want to hit the gym a bit more. Maybe this is the year you decide you want to find love, or finish the novel that’s been rattling around in your brain for who-knows-how-long.
Some people, however, have somewhat loftier goals to achieve over the next 12 months: they’d like to start a family. Following in the footsteps of Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth, a ton of couples will be visiting fertility clinics and monitoring their menstrual calendars in order to maximize the possibility of getting pregnant.
But outside of careful planning, what else can you do to ensure that the next particular round of coitus leads to conception? Some women wear socks to bed, while others put their legs high up in the air, hoping gravity will do the work for them. There are a few, however, who are using a particular comfort food for a decidedly more practical application.
Whenever you head to your nearest McDonald’s, whether you’re a fan of the Big Mac or enjoy the steamed bun and tartar sauce of the Filet O’Fish, one thing that stays pretty much constant is the side of delicious McDonald’s french fries, which are scientifically proven to be better than the fare at any other fast food joint.
There are some women out there, however, are flopping down to their beds after a night of heavy unprotected sex, and guzzling down on a portion of McDonald’s french fries. Not because they’re a great way of replenishing the energy expended by taking the express train to Pound Town, but because they might help a hopeful couple to conceive.
Yes, that’s right: a survey by the website ChannelMum.com says that in order to conceive, some couples are looking to the Golden Arches for inspiration, presumably pledging to name their firstborn Ronald McDonald as part of the deal. According to their research, only three percent of people asked are employing this unorthodox method, but that’s really three percent more than it should be, and that number is only going to increase as time goes on.
At the moment, there’s no scientific evidence to say that McDonald’s french fries make for a conducive pregnancy enviroment, but the idea behind the potato snack guzzling is that the extra sodium present that helps to make those fries extra delicious (also a bit more deadly) is also the key ingredient to triggering fertilization in a lady’s womb.
I have many questions. Not with the scientific reasoning behind this rather odd pregnancy trend (though that’s pretty ambiguous too), but the logistical problems, more than anything. Assuming you order your McDonald’s online, how do you make sure that you time everything right, ensuring your lovemaking isn’t rudely interrupted by an impatient UberEATS driver in the middle of an intense run?
Assuming you don’t order online and that you bring the french fries home before you have sex, how do you keep the french fries warm until you’re finished? There’s nothing that can ruin the mood quicker than stale french fries. Do you bring them into the bed with you? Do you install some kind of french fry cooker in your bedroom?
If anyone out there’s tried this and have successfully gotten pregnant, please let me know how you did it. In detail, please. In the meantime, I wish every hopeful couple out there the best of luck in starting a family. No matter what they eat to help them out.