When you think of the classic "future reader," what do you think of? For me, it's a woman in a wagon that smells of incense, sporting a mustache and a bandana. The wagon will be clad in elephant print rugs and throws, with it being dimly lit and in the middle, on a round table, will stand a crystal ball.
Through spouting out generic, all-encompassing statements, this woman will predict your future and send you on your way. However, it turns out that these people are frauds (who would've known!) In fact, it turns out that the best way to predict the future is through asparagus.
Say hello to Jemima Packington, a woman who has a unique talent. According to Jemima, through using just a few spears of asparagus, she claims to be able to accurately foresee the future. Her technique involves taking the spears and throwing them on the ground. From the shapes and patterns the asparagus make, Jemima is able to draw her predictions.
According to Packington, she is the world's only "asparamancer" (which is 100 percent not a word). Of the claims that she has made, she says that she accurately predicted Brexit, the gender of Royal baby and America's reputation after electing Donald Trump - things which we could've all predicted, yes, but she managed it all the same.
Despite the outlandish nature of her technique, Packington's works have proven to be fairly effective. Such are her abilities, her diary is usually fully-booked with people wanting to come and find out the predictions of their own futures. In these cases, however, Packington has her clients throw their own asparagus, in order to cast their own fate.
But, what stands Packington out from the crowds is that not only does she offer an insight into your future, but you also get another great offer: “The good thing is, once we finished the reading, you can then take the asparagus home, run it under the faucet, and then cook it and eat it,” she told Today.
According to Jemima, she discovered that she had this ability when she was just a child. “When I was a small girl, we were sitting around eating asparagus,” Packington told Today. “And I’d actually predicted something.”
Her family immediately knew that she was on to something, with her aunt being able to read the future using tea leaves. “They think that it skipped a generation,” she explained, “and it came to me.” Now, Packington has dished out her predictions for what remains of 2018.
She claims that Britain will soon be getting a new prime minister and that, if the rest of the world fails to intervene, the United States will bring the world to the brink of catastrophic conflict. The future predictor blames Donald Trump for this impending doom, however, if she was planning to meet him and plan out his future, she'll have a long wait as the president hates vegetables.
So there you have it; when your mom told you to eat your greens, you should've listened. You might have scored yourself some psychic powers.