I don’t know about you but I do enjoy my sports; specifically, the excuse you get to order as much junk food as you like and “invite friends” over and “share the experience” with them. As it turns out, Little Caesars knows about this all too well.
The pizza chain promised to give away free lunch combos “if crazy happens”, and a 16th seed team beat a top-seeded team in the NCAA March Madness tournament. Last Friday night, “crazy” is exactly what happened, and now Little Caesars has to pay up.
The University of Maryland Baltimore County beat the University of Virginia in a shock upset, with a final score of 74-54. Truly unprecedented proceedings. Now Little Caesars, has pledged to hold up its end of the bargain and will give away free lunch combos, which usually cost $5.00. The box contains a “deep deep” personal pizza and a 20-ounce Pepsi product of your choice.
The offer will only be available on April 2, from 11 a.m. to 1:30 p.m., and is limited to “one per family” and “while supplies last”. Simply being in line during that time will not be enough to claim your free pizza, as the promotion comes to a hard stop at exactly one o’clock that afternoon. Still, there are no catches and no purchase is required, making it a genuine food giveaway, which is rare in fast food.
It’s unlikely that Little Caesars was planning on actually dishing out the free pizzas, since an upset of this magnitude has never actually occurred since March Madness expanded to include 64 teams. Other chains often participate in promotions like this during high profile sports games.
Taco Bell frequently promises to give away free tacos if certain conditions are met, and has followed through on more than one occasion. As recently as June 2017, Taco Bell gave away free Doritos Locos Tacos on the road in Cleveland after the Golden State Warriors “stole” Game Three of the NBA Finals from the Cleveland Cavaliers. Tacos are not as pricey as full pizza combos, though, making Little Caesars’ deal a bit more generous.
Stunts like these could see Little Caesars become as big and powerful as its closest competitors. Recently, Pizza Hut got knocked off the top spot by Dominos after a 10-year stint at the top. Domino’s now claim it is the “largest pizza company in the world,” according to the chain’s fourth-quarter earnings release. The company says its global retail sales surpassed $12.2 billion in 2017 – that was a 12.7 percent increase for the fiscal year.
It could be due to the fact that you get orgasms with your pizzas now. A new vibrator is being made that will allow you to order Donimo’s when you’re done getting off. CamSoda, which is primarily a webcam and XXX VR company, announced their vibrator called the RubGrub, does all the things you’d want a good vibrator to do, the gets you a cheese pizza from Domino’s as well.
According to a press release from the company, the RubGrub works via “an internet connected button (similar to the Amazon Dash Button) that is affixed on the end of the vibrator.” It reads: “The button has payment/delivery and order information, which is programmed into it at the time of purchase and connects to Domino’s through its pizza-ordering API. When a user is done ‘using’ the vibrator, they push the button, which places a delivery order for a large cheese pizza.”
The Vice President of CamSoda, Daryn Parker said: “masturbation, while ultimately enjoyable, can be a strenuous physical activity during which an individual exerts a lot of energy and burns many calories. Inevitably, once someone has climaxed, they feel lethargic and hungry.”
“Now, in order to enjoy your Saturday night, all you need is your RubGrub device. Get off and get stuffed, all with the quick click of a button,” he continued. I’m not always optimistic for the future, but as long as there’s pizza involved I think I’ll be happy.