Food Philosophers Of The Internet Have Discovered That Pop Tarts Are Actually Ravioli

The internet is a strange place; things that would once have been considered esoteric and just downright bizarre are now lauded as the pinnacles of humour and satire. One need only look at the meme phenomenon of recent years. Why is an image (often of a human pulling some odd expression or the other) that is superimposed with some relatable text so goddamn hilarious? I don’t know, and I’m not the best person to ask anyway as I spend a disgusting amount of time chuckling away at memes when I should be working my nine-to-five.

As well as creating memes, the entrepreneurial minds of the internet also spend considerable amounts of time coming up with weird theories about commonplace things, a.k.a, things that need no explanation. The most recent of their “groundbreaking” discoveries has to do what food category we put one of our nation’s most-beloved snacks in: the pop tart. It’s safe to say that Twitter desecrated our pantries forever when they suggested, nay, asserted that Pop Tarts are a form of… ravioli.

And I thought that procrastinated too much…

Twitter user Ellen Juniper caused America’s founding fathers to roll in their graves when she provocatively suggested that Pop Tarts and ravioli are the same.

So, let’s get to grips with this. Ellen is suggesting that Pop Tarts are the dessert equivalent to ravioli –  a type of dumpling which involves sealing a filling between two thin layers of thin pasta dough. Whilst your first response may be something akin to “it makes sense!”, I beg you to refrain. I understand that pop tarts also have a sugary filling that is closed shut by two layers, but Pop Tarts are crucially sealed by pastry crust, not pasta. And this dear reader should have been enough to end the debate, but no, Twitter had other ideas.

The Tweet which has now garnered over 11,000 retweets and 40,000 likes provoked quite the response from Twitter users who reacted by either being disgusted or egged on to come up with other disturbing claims regarding the typology of some of our favourite foods.

Firstly, Twitter user, @AllanCanSeeYou dared to proclaim that ravioli is a sandwich.

And then all of this carnage ensued:

And then some more of this.

You may think that no one could have possibly have come up with such a claim before, but you’re wrong. Your day will probably be ruined once you learn that the ravioli v. Pop Tart debate has been floating around on the World Wide Web for some time now. In fact, I think we can blame its entire conception on an internet user who goes by has the handle, Elfroggo. Said user posted the following so-called explanation, on the car forum, DSMtuners and it quickly got reposted on Reddit:

“Why pop tarts are ravioli. Now, the first thing you may be thinking is “what the heck is elfroggo thinking? Is he off his rocker?” Yes, this may seem bizarre, but hear me out! Ingredients do not define a type of food such as ravioli. Nobody is arguing that an ice cream sandwich isn’t a sandwich, are they? Or that spaghetti with anything other than marinara sauce isn’t spaghetti, right? Right! So let’s take a look at a ravioli. A ravioli has a rather plain casing filled with delicious filling as well as usually a yummy sauce of some kind on top.

“Now, let’s look at a pop tart. A pop tart consists of a rather plain casing containing some delicious filling, with a yummy topping on the top of it! The only difference is in the ingredients, and, as I’ve said before, ingredients don’t define a ravioli. You can have all sorts of ravioli, just as you can have all sorts of sandwiches. The composition isn’t what makes these foods, it’s the structure.

“And besides a slight variation in shape, the structure of pop tart is not that different to ravioli, is it? You may say that the size is what differentiates them, if not the ingredients. To that, is a slider not a type of burger? Sub sandwiches are still sub sandwiches, whether they’re 3 feet long, or 6 inches long. You’d have to be a big hypocrite to call an ice cream sandwich a sandwich and not call a pop tart a ravioli, because whatever differentiates an ice cream sandwich from a “normal” sandwich– that is, size and ingredients– are the exact same things that differentiate ravioli from a good ol’ pop tart.”

Elfroggo obviously did not manage to change my mind with his senseless tirade. In fact, I believe that the only logical conclusion to draw out of this debacle is that the internet must be broken.

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