If you’ve ever seen crime dramas, you know that the best way to commit a crime is to make it look like you didn’t do it. The level to which you do this depends on the crime, but one of the easiest ways to cover your tracks is to get rid of the evidence. Preferably, by burning it.
Not saying I’ve done any crimes or anything, but it would just be the smartest, most efficient way to do things. This was the thinking behind this story, but for Derrick Irving and John Silva, things did not go the way they expected. The two Florida men were caught with their hands in the proverbial pasta jar after they used Ragu sauce to try and burn down a home they robbed last week, police said.
Derrick Irving, 36, and John Silva, 28, were arrested March 13 after allegedly breaking into a home in DeLand and stealing a flat screen television, as well as an air conditioning wall unit. The man whose home was being burglarized received an alert on his phone from his residence’s security system informing him of motion being detected in the house, the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office said.
They broke into the house and placed a towel over the camera. So when the occupant of the house checked that something was off with the camera, he knew something was not right. He immediately called the police.
When police arrived at the home, they saw a red SUV trying to flee the residence, authorities said. The two suspects told officers they were picking up clothes from the house, police said. The victim told the news that Irving was donning a bull onesie.
A deputy said there was an air conditioning unit, a vacuum, television, heater, a marijuana grinder and an empty jar of Ragu sauce inside the vehicle.
Deputies found the burning pot of Ragu sauce and a washcloth near the stove’s burner, which appeared to be an attempt to start a fire. “He was trying to make it look like I left the stove on but who gets up at 2 am and fixes sketti?” the victim said. Silva and Irving told officers they knew the victim due to past sexual encounters, authorities said.
“It started out as a relationship, that lasted about a week,” the victim told news. “I’ve let him use my car for four months, maybe he’s angry about that. Or maybe he’s angry because I gave him $150 to fix his teeth.” The duo was charged with unarmed burglary, grand theft and arson.
This isn’t the only peculiar food-related thing to come out of Florida (like there ever isn’t). Martin County Sheriff’s deputies arrested Maeli Aguilar-Alvarez of Indiantown, Florida, in around mid-December for shoplifting “a full rack of ribs”, consisting of two packs of hamburger buns, nine pieces of fried chicken and an unspecified quantity of mashed potatoes from a grocery store.
Law enforcement spotted the 26-year-old when he removed the aforementioned full rack of ribs from his pants just outside the Rines Market IGA. Police charged the alleged thief with retail theft of the groceries, valued at $32.49. The Martin County Sheriff’s Office claimed that he might have gotten away with it, had a sergeant not spotted him revealing some of the evidence of his crime in full view. You could say he was short-ribbed.
Although only the ribs were cited as inside his trousers, it begs the question: what spectacular pair of pants could fit a full rack of ribs, two packs of hamburger buns, nine pieces of fried chicken and an unspecified quantity of mashed potatoes? Forget Joseph and his Technicolor Dreamcoat, where can I get a pair of these pants? For recreational purposes, of course.