Before you are bombarded (completely) with Christmas pieces left right and centre, we have to get through a little-known holiday called Thanksgiving. Having everyone come round before they come round again almost exactly a month later sounds tedious, but think of it as a trial run at the obligatory social conventions before the proper holiday period starts.
One of the requirements of these gatherings is to eat a gluttonous amount of food even if you’re not hungr, or don’t particularly like the food. As “happy” as you are for everyone to be here, and as “amazing” as the spread looks, when it comes to sitting down to eat, there are some foods that really don’t have a place at the table.
So, here are eight Thanksgiving foods everyone secretly hates. Bear in mind, this piece is not safe for dinner table discussion.
I’m all about munching on snacks and finger foods before the grand finale, but a bowl of soup is honestly just a distraction from the showstopper. It can put you in danger of filling up before it’s time for the good stuff.
2. Cranberry sauce
Whether it’s made from scratch or simply plopped out of a can, cranberry sauce more often than not can be overly tart to the point of being borderline bitter. When it doesn’t work, it really doesn’t work.
3. Dinner rolls
Now this one’s a bit tricky because nobody hates dinner rolls themselves – they’re carbs, people. Come on! In a way, though, that’s kind of the problem. This double-edged sword takes up a lot of space in our stomachs, especially if you haven’t eaten anything yet. Watch your portions or leave it entirely to avoid tapping out too early.
4. Creamed onions
Your grandma makes them every year, and you take a spoonful to be polite, but pearl onions swimming in a bland cream sauce have never hits the spot (and looks more like a Halloween dish than a Thanksgiving one). They also don’t help the breath situation during dinnertime chat.
5. Green bean casserole
Yes, it’s withstood the tides of Thanksgiving time for a strong 60-plus years, but this soggy staple is merely tradition at this point. The green bean and mushroom soup is insanely mushy, and the casserole’s only redeeming quality is the crispy topping of French fried onions on top.
It almost seems blasphemous to say aloud, but when you really break it down, turkey plays second fiddle to most other items on the table. Too often the host cooks it to an unsavory, dry-as-the-Sahara-desert death that not even gravy nor cranberry sauce can save. If it weren’t for the occasion, would you bother chewing your way through what can only be described as an exercise in mastication?
7. Plain vegetable sides
Can we please save boring corn, carrots and Brussels sprouts for any other night of the year? No one here is watching their figure, for crying out loud!It’s Thanksgiving. We are here to indulge. Cheese, breadcrumbs or some sweet and sticky sauce. Please and thank you.
8. Jell-O molds
Bringing a quivering gelatin mould to Thanksgiving should not be considered a real contribution. We’ve seen some scary versions that have vegetables suspended inside (no thanks), and even the fruity variety are a very lame excuse for dessert. Leave your Jell-O at home, fellow.
The underlying problem throughout seems to be mushiness, blandness and dryness. Avoid having your food end up in this way, and you may actually find you like the food on this list. Just be as diplomatic as you can when you bring it up with the chef.
At the table, be careful who you discuss your pet peeves with on the day, as this is a quick way to turn your “normal” Thanksgiving dinner into a holiday special episode of a drama series. Keep your head down, and eat your carbs. If your aunt says you’ve put on weight, just smile and agree. Trust me, the witty zinger you rehearsed in your head is not worth it.