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5 Foods that will help you to live forever

For the most part, life is good. If you're like the majority of people living in America reading this, you've got a ton of people who love you, tons of food to enjoy, and a stable internet connection that allows you to connect with your loved ones or access food at the swipe of a finger or a click of a button.

The saddest part about life, though, is that it ends. Eventually, heart disease, cancer, diabetes or plain old old age claim us all, and there's nothing we can do about it. Or is there? By eating these foods, you can keep the Grim Reaper at bay for as long as possible. Maybe... just maybe, you could actually live forever.

1. Edamame (soybeans)

Aside from making delicious substitutes for milk or meat, edamame are also a nutritious morsel in their own right. Although they're pretty ubiquitous in Asian culture (and for a while too), they're slowly but surely making their way to Western shores, and once you see what they're made of, you'll understand why. Edamame are rich in isoflavones, which are known to have anti-inflammatory, anti-oxidant, anti-cancer, and antimicrobial properties. As a result, they help to regulate your body's inflammatory response, slow down cellular aging and fight microbes that might make you sick.

2. Tofu

Ah, soybeans! They're so good for you, I had to include them in this list twice! Tofu (which is pretty much soybean curd) has a whole laundry list of health benefits that make it essential alongside edamame. Like its soybean cousin, tofu is rich in isoflavones, but when you combine it with its massive reserves of protein, not to mention a ton of the amino acids required for our bodies to make its own protein, helping us mend and heal more effectively. Even better: tofu is rich in minerals, vital for deriving energy, and keeping our bones and teeth nice and strong.

3. Carrots

Turns out, these orange vegetables are good for a lot more than helping Bugs Bunny to make us laugh. Carrots are super healthy for you - and that's mostly down to the existence of beta-carotene, which gives carrots their orange color and may just be the key to your immortality. According to the National Institute of Health, beta-carotene is super important for producing vitamin A (the human body actually can't make it on its own), and "is involved in immune function, vision, reproduction, and cellular communication".

But wait, there's more: alongside being an anti-oxidant that protects us from the aging damage caused by free radicals, research has shown that foods rich in carotenoids (especially carrots) can protect against age-related macular degeneration - that is, the vision loss associated with old age. Forget apples: a carrot a day is what keeps the doctor away. What's up, doc?

4. Cruciferous vegetables

Broccoli, cabbage and kale are three vegetables with somewhat of a love-hate relationship in the eyes of many foodies, but if you have any true intention of living to be 104, then you should be including as many of these in your diet as possible. These veggies (along with the rest of the cruciferous vegetables) are super-rich in nutrients. On this very long list there's vitamins (C, E, K, as well as folate) and minerals (potassium, calcium, and selenium), not to mention carotenoids (lutein, beta-carotene, and zeaxanthin).

They've also got glucosinolates, which help to regulate the body's stress and inflammation response, while some are even being researched for their cancer-fighting potential. But wait, there's somehow even more: a recent study has said that some cruciferous vegetables like kale or collard greens could help to slow down cognitive decline, meaning your brain stays sharper as you reach old age. Talk about a superfood!

5. Salmon

It seems like every time we talk about superfoods, salmon is somewhere on the list, and here it is again! If you're looking to make a mockery of the very concept of mortality, then you should be having salmon on your plate pretty regularly. It's packed with protein, and also contains a ton of Omega-3 fatty acids, which should turn out to be pretty good for your eyesight.

Those fatty acids help to prevent dry eye syndrome, when unlubricated eyes lead to blurry vision and sore eyes. But here's the good bit: salmon, like cruciferous vegetables, can have a signficant benefit to your cognitive decline as you get older, and salmon's high potassium content also means it can do a lot of work to prevent the onset of heart disease.

Well, guys, there you go: five foods that will help you to live forever. If, by any chance, you're reading this in the year 2158, then it looks as if my advice worked. Do me a favor, and go get my body out of cryogenic storage, would you?