We all know how amazing vaginas are, from their ability to push out babies to their ability to take on the stress of a lot of everyday nonsense (not to mention the whole monthly bleeding thing). But did you know you can make food with it? Here are five foods to make with your vagina. They're delicious. I've heard.
1. "Vag yogurt"
You can make yoghurt very simply and easily in your own home. All it is made from is fresh, whole milk and by adding cultures it turns into yogurt overnight. But where does one find these cultures? I’m glad you asked. Cecilia Westbrook, a MD/PhD Student at the University of Wisconsin, Madison had a light-bulb moment, realizing the vagina is home to hundreds of types of bacteria and organisms - with the dominant bacteria being lactobacillus. It is this bacteria which used to culture milk, cheese and yoghurt. Cecilia whips out the old wooden spoon and harvests her cootch cultures. Adding those to fresh milk, she leaves it overnight to cultivate. In the morning she finds a ‘respectable’ sized bowl of yoghurt. Which she then eats with blueberries.
2. "Beaver cheese"
To make labneh cheese, you’ll need is a pinch of salt, muslin or cheesecloth and a bowl. Take your delectable pot of vagina yogurt, a pinch of salt, and pour into the cheesecloth and hang above the bowl. This will drain all the excess moisture from the yogurt to produce a cheese. Let it drain in the fridge for 8-14 hours, and you’ll have a soft, smooth and tangy spread. If left for 24-48 hours you’ll have a firmer labneh, similar to the consistency of cream cheese. If you strain it for longer, say 48-72 hours, it becomes yogurt cheese, which is usually rolled into small balls, coated with herbs and spices and stored in olive oil to be served as mezze or part of a cheese platter with crackers. Et voila!
Whey is the byproduct of making your beaver cheese. Keep the liquid that strains off your labial labneh and stored in an airtight container, it will last for about four weeks. But WTF does one do with whey? Well, you can mix them into smoothies for some serious gains or make facto fermented sauerkraut!
4. "Sexy sauerkraut"
While any sauerkraut recipe can be made a with salty brine, it garners additional gut health benefits when it is lacto-fermented with... special whey. By massaging your wizard sleeve whey into thinly sliced cabbage for about 10 minutes, it will begin to release its juices and start to break down. Add in some caraway seeds for extra flavour and store in a mason jar with the liquid covering all the cabbage. Place in the pantry to ferment for 10 days before storing in the fridge.
5. And of course... bread (yeast)
To make a sourdough bread, you’ll need a starter culture. Time to whip out that wooden spoon again! Or a dildo, in another angry woman's case. Using a dildo, the blogger harvested her vagina’s own natural colony of yeast to make the #C*ntSourdough (her hashtag, not mine!). Mixing it to flour and water, the culture is left for a number of days to ferment and is fed each day with a little more flour and water. Once the culture is a well-established colony, it is used to make a loaf of bread. Twat toast anyone?
Who would've thought it? Turns out a vagina can do way more than some people give it credit for. I say we give Bear Gryll's show to an ex-female marine and see what happens.