Getting kicked out of a bar/pub is an achievement in itself. You have to be next-level drunk or a complete jerk to have bartenders or security have to escort you off the premises or call you a cab.
Just because you're not that person, doesn't mean you can't upset off your drink makers. Make sure you're in their good books by doing these things and before you know it, it will be your turn to order.
1. No, they won't charge your iPhone, so don't ask
Remember your power banks if you know you're in for a long one.
2. Order a Guinness first
Guinness is poured on nitrogen and requires a bit of time to settle and then a bit to pour. By ordering it first it, your bartender can get on with the rest of the order, giving plenty of time for the Guinness to settle.
3. Rush hour is difficult, be respectful
Ordering fancy, labor-intensive cocktails at rush hour usually means you'll be waiting a while. Don't complain when they take too long.
4. Don't leave chewed-up straws and torn coasters/ napkins everywhere.
Sometimes this is hard, as you may be on a date and trying to channel your nerves, but little droppings, especially the ones that make it to the floor, make it look like the place is infested with rats. Also, someone has to pick them up. That's not fair.
5. DO NOT snap or whistle
Do you have to be told again?
6. Don't turn the bar into a sex hotel
Making out in the back is fine (barely) but at the bar, it's not only gross but inconsiderate.
7. Know what you want upon arrival
When it's slammed and you don't know what you want, hang back until you do. Look at the menu, or just Google it! Thinking in the queue never really works because there's usually too much going on for you to decide. If you get to the front and you're still undecided, you're now upsetting everyone else. If you leave it to the bartender to surprise you, get ready for a terrible watered-down G&T.
8. Don't step behind the bar
Think of it as the Upside-Down, or the Sunken Place.
9. Don't use hand signals or wave money to get their attention
Eye contact is enough to recognize that you are waiting. Try not to stare, though.
10. Don't reach over and touch/pull at the bartender
Put your hand into the Upside-Down or the Sunken Place? You. Will. Regret. It.
11. Don't expect certain drinks
Obviously, there are a plenty of drinks that you'll find everywhere, but a good rule of thumb is the more weird or fancy the name is, the less likely every bar you go to have it. Have a backup in mind so everyone's happy.
12. Don't order one drink at a time
Have everything you want ready for when you get to the bar, and don't wait for them to make a drink before you order your next drink. They've been trained to multitask.
13. Don't scream your order
Bartenders have gotten used to reading lips, there's no need to scream in their ear.
14. Don't say "I'll tip at the end"
Everyone knows what that means.
15. Haggling isn't a thing either
They don't own the bar, or have any say in the price of drinks. Just pay the number they ask you to pay.
16. Don't complain that your 3/4-finished drink is wrong
You didn't just notice your Manhattan was actually a White Russian. If you think the bartender genuinely made a mistake, they are happy to correct it.
17. Don't ask for house cocktails to be altered
Treat them like house menu items in a restaurant. Should you decide to change a speciality cocktail in a dynamic way, don't complain about the outcome. It's your fault the flavors don't work as you'd expect.
18. Leave the playlist alone
They will say no to every song request. Every last one.
19. They won't YouTube your specific song either
Rarely is a song worth playing in a crowded bar if you can only get it on YouTube.
20. Never interrupt them when they are speaking to a customer
It's rude, and slows service down.
21. Free drinks won't happen, no matter how many times you ask, so don't
Like respect, free drinks at a bar are earned, not given.
22. Save your alcohol facts for your date/friends
The bartenders have probably heard it before.
23. Don't wear headphones at a bar
Why would you do that? Until we can communicate telepathically, if you have your headphones on or your earphones in, you're going to get ignored.
24. Talking on the phone is a no-no too
The same will happen as with headphones.
25. Don't order ridiculously complicated drinks
Starting your interaction with "I'm sorry to do this to you" means you already know you shouldn't be doing this. You should keep the recipe written down on a piece of paper you made at home in your pocket.
26. Don't argue with the bartender
They have the booze. Why would you be rude to the people with the booze? Also, when they ask you for ID, look at it as a compliment. Trust me when I say that it's not going to happen forever.
27. Don't touch the tools or garnishes on the bar
Not only is it rude, it's a health violation too, so they will probably have to get a whole new bowl of the stuff and slow everything down. Imagine they just came to where you worked and started playing with your things?
28. No selfies at the bar
That flash is blinding and distracting.
29. Don't try and score a date
Why, in a place full of drunk people, would you try and move toward the only sober one?
30. Don't order a drink and disappear
No one is going to even attempt to try and find you.
With these 30 rules in mind and a smile on your face when you place your order, you may find your drink tastes that little bit better than you expected.