Over the course of our lives, we’re destined to have thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of opportunities to eat. Whether they’re eaten with our closest friends and loved ones or binged in front of the television in the dark, every meal, morsel or munch has a special resonance relevant to that particular moment, and I appreciate each and every one greatly.
However, one thing we don’t really think about is the last meal we’ll ever get to enjoy in life. Assuming that I don’t choke to death on a rogue chicken nugget, I’d like my final feast to be simple, succulent, and capable of passing me onto the next plane of existence with a full belly and a smile on my face.
Most people, however, are not me, and they’ve got their own (kind of insane) ideas for what they’d eat right before they died. We talked to a fair few food-loving members of the human race, and I’m going to be honest: things got weird. Here are just a few of the craziest things people would eat for their last meal on Earth.
1. A man-sized stack of pancakes
“A seven-foot-high tower of pancakes, because whenever I have pancakes for breakfast, I always think: ‘Well, that was a reasonable amount for breakfast, but I could easily have about four times as many.’ I’d have different toppings to mix it up – vanilla ice-cream with real maple syrup, berries and seeds, Nutella, lemon and sugar, custard, as well as bacon.”
2. This last meal sounds like a gas
“Being intolerant to both gluten and dairy. I would have a huge milkshake and chicken salad doorstep sandwich, extra butter. If I’m gonna die anyway, I might as well be farting and throwing up.“
3. How poetic!
“My last meal would be a juicy steak, cooked medium-rare. The cow’s own last meal must have been blades of grass from the top of my planned burial spot. Y’know, symbolism. Gotta get some fries in with that, because I have lived for the fry and so it’s fitting that in death it will be the last thing I consume. Absolutely no salad, even the slightest sight of a lettuce leaf will have me begging for the lethal injection sooner than planned.”
4. A trifecta of tasty treats
“Alright, so I’d combine my three favorite meals. It’s enchiladas with a double twist; instead of mince meat or chicken for the filling, it would be lamb and chicken donner meat, still with the enchilada sauce, peppers and onions, and then instead of the tortilla wrap around the outside, it’s a Yorkshire pudding!“
5. The ultimate Chinese takeaway
“My last meal would be a Chinese Takeaway Calzone. When you cut it open, it’s full of crispy chilli beef, sweet and sour chicken, chicken chow mein and will spill out like the Tauntaun from Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. Also, the crust will be a spring roll stuffed crust, and it’s all sprinkled with crispy seaweed and drizzled in extra sweet chilli sauce. All served inside a giant prawn cracker.”
6. Maybe, peace and quiet is the best seasoning of all…
“My last meal would preferably be Christmas Dinner cooked by my mom, but without any other relatives to spoil it for me.”
7. Four courses of pure bliss!
“First course: a selection of sweet and savoury pastries, brought fresh from the finest and fanciest french patisseries and boulangeries.
Second course: a Christmas dinner with lab-grown turkey, gammon and beef (all the best cuts, obviously), plus all the trimmings, prepared with the combined skill and techniques of my two grandmothers
Third course: a trio of desserts – tiramisu, banoffee pie, and chocolate brownie lava cake
Fourth course: cheeseboard and red grapes, with a side of enough wine to make me forget I’m about to die.“
8. What would that even taste like?
“A pizza-flavored turducken for me.”
9. Going out with a ‘pop’
“Popcorn kernels so that my body can gloriously explode after it has been launched into the fire by butlers in the buff-turned pall-bearers.”
10. “Morals go out the window when you’re on death row”
“I would want something so substantial that by the time my death came, I was ready for the sweet release, rather than live with the consequences and indigestion of what I’d just had. As a vegan, I think my last meal would be slow cooked brisket, in a tortilla with cheese, coronation slaw, chilli jam, a Papa John’s pizza, sweet potato fries with all the dips, scallops and a roast dinner on the side. I’ve never had lobster – throw one of those on the top too. Morals go out the window when you’re on death row.”
11. What a way to go!
“I would start with a huge Yorkshire pudding the size of my head, covered in the richest gravy possibly made by mankind. Then just loads of every type of bread with a fountain of cheese to dip in. I would then have my mom’s spaghetti Bolognese riddled with bacon, and coated with a few blocks of mature cheddar. For dessert, I’d eat those chocolate steam puddings with gooey chocolate inside with ice-cream, rich brownies, hot-cross buns covered in butter and jam, and caterpillar cake. Of course, I would dip this all in a chocolate fountain too.“
Now that I’ve had a read of some of these rather unorthodox last meal choices, I’ve got to say: maybe mine’s worth a rethink. Perhaps I’d use my final meal to pig out on all my favorite fatty foods, or finally sample the taste of the most exotic meat of all: man. I sincerely hope it’s got you thinking, too. What would you have for your last meal?